Perfectingmyinnereeyore

   We are a generation controlled by what the internet says we should look and feel like. In Gods eyes each of us is just the way we were meant to be. Each of us is wanted and loved.  No one is better then anyone else. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Each of us is priceless.     Every day girls are told that they need to eat less, work out more, wear this and read that. And so very often, I'm swept into those lies.  So often I am believing what the public thinks of me instead of what my Heavenly Father thinks of me. I am his creation created for good. All that I need to remember is that I am beautiful to my creator and that's all that matters.

    I started this blog so I could have a place to journal my journey conquering depression. But I haven’t really done that.. written down my journey that is.   I guess I’ve just been spitting out the random things that pop into my head on a day to day (ok so not that often but you get the idea) basis. It’s been just thrown together and disjointed and I don’t know if that’s gonna change cause to be honest thats how my brain works.      But I’m about to move. And I know that it’s gonna be hard. It was last time I moved and this time I’m leaving more and going farther. I don’t know how often I’m gonna be on here, it might be one a week or month, or three times a day. It just depends. I plan to write about my struggles and heartbreaks, my joys and victory’s. And don’t worry, I’ll still be spitting out randomness. That’s kinda in my DNA.. 

   Texas is the only place I've ever lived. When my family moved to Dallas, it was hard. I was 5 hours away from my childhood home and all my childhood friends. But moving to Tennessee feels like moving across the world. I'm having to pick up everything and move to a completely new place with new people so very far from everything I've ever known. And to make it better, moving means saying goodbye. And I hate goodbyes.    I become close to people very quick. Its just who I am. And becoming close to people quickly means I've had lots of time to get to know each other which means saying goodbyes kinda sucks..    In this day and age all we have to do is shoot out a text or post a picture on Instagram and you are instantly connected to pretty much any and everyone in the world. So why is saying goodbye so hard? Why do I feel sick to my stomach seeing people for the last time?     For me, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose people. That people who...

    We are often tempted to portray a "edited" version of ourselves on social media. Even when we post "reality" pictures on our Instagram or Facebook we still tend to edit it. Reading and re-reading what we say.      Social media makes it easy to portray a perfect life. It is so easy to post something, leaving out the hard stuff. It also makes it easy to become jealous because it seems like everyone else's life is so perfect and no one else has the same problems as you.     The idea of connecting over social media isn't new, it's the concept of  friendship that has changed. Friends used to be the people you saw every week at church or at school but more and more often, friends are becoming the people we talk to over that internet or that one kid that starts liking your pictures. Friends are now becoming people we have never meet.      Social media is taking over our lives and we aren't stoping it. We aren't...

Everyone has a chapter they don't read out loud..    If you hang around me for long enough you will see that I am a goofy, crazy, loud teenager who really, just wants to have fun.  But under my crazy mask is a girl who's life isn't as perfect as it might seem.     It all started almost two years ago, after my family had moved from the only place I'd ever lived.  One of my siblings started throwing tantrums over the smallest of things. At first it wasn't bad.. but then the sibling began to lash out more often and the tantrums became more intense.  Finally after 18 months, my parents made the hard decision to send that sibling to a year long boys ranch.  It's hard to pretend like nothing's wrong while all this is going on behind the scenes.  I'm a very private person so even while this was going on only one or two of my closest friends knew anything.  So if no one knew, why am I talking y'all?  I'm tell y'all ...

They were always so far away.    So far in fact that while devastating and scary they never affected me.  But then, it happened.  One hit a little to close to home.    After years of hearing on the news about a shooting over in that country or that state way over there it was here. My home the city close to where I lived. It was terrifying.  I truly wonder how many people are becoming numb to the violence around us. How many people are like "oh it's happening again..." When I was younger, this was not the world I imagined growing up in.     Even though my fairy tale world was forever crushed around age 9 but I have to keep asking myself why?  What good is coming from this?  I've found myself digging deeper into Gods word because we never know what's gonna happen next.  God has a plan for it all.  But even knowing that sometimes does nothing. 

If you've ever moved you know how hard it can be. For me, I had only heard stories about moving, and experienced lots of my friends moving away. But not me. I'd lived in the same town for 13 1/2 years. The same house for 9 years. I had my circle of friends, an amazing theater group. Life was good. When I heard all those moving stories my friends told, they sounded amazing. The friends they made, the adventures they'd had, part of me wanted to move. Rarely did the stories tell of pain.  About 9 months ago my dad got a new job. In a new town. The new job was 5 hours away from my childhood life. From all I had ever known. Moving wasn't like I was expected. Every time I remember how I thought moving would go I think of some song lyrics by Moriah Peters.  "You never told me that this would be easy, but I never knew that it would be this hard..."  Now of course I know Moriah wasn't talking about moving when she wrote Brave, but that line really se...