forgiveness is a funny thing, its something we just expect of others, but often have trouble giving ourselves. but forgiveness is such a freeing thing. and it something that i got to really live out a few weeks ago.
- the back story -
if you've been following me on Instagram for a bit you probably know about my childhood best friend Caleb. i kinda talked about him all the time and i even posted a blog post about our long distance friendship a few years back. but, if you're new around here you're probably sitting here confused as heck, because for the past year or so, we haven't talked at all.
- more back story -
Caleb and i met the first day of sixth grade, and from day one we were practically inseparable. But, being friends in 6th grade meant that we went through a bunch of petty middle school "drama" over the years. and there were plenty of times (especially when we were 13/14) that i thought we were "over". during these times, my mom would always say that if anything were to happen between us we would find our way back to each other because we were supposed to be friends, and to be honest, i always laughed cause i didn't think we'd ever not be friends.
Caleb and I practically grew up together and helped each other through a lot of really hard stuff. i honestly couldn't imagine my life without him. BUT halfway through our sophomore year of high school (about 4ish years later) and shortly after my 2nd move (from Texas to Tennessee) some stuff went down and our friendship ended very abruptly. it was absolutely awful. it took me at least a year to fully come to terms with the whole situation. and forgiving him was one of the hardest things I've ever done. especially when he didn't ask for it. i held onto so much pain and anger for the longest time and it didn’t just hurt me, but it hurt the relationships I had with the people around me as well. it wasn’t until after my mom talked to me and told me that I needed to “forgive and forget” that something changed. You see, sometimes you have to forgive even when they don't ask. and sometimes, its more for you then for them. when I forgave Caleb, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt ok with the situation and I moved on. I fully expected to never talk to Caleb again and weirdly enough, I was totally ok with that.
- looking back -
looking back, God really knew what he was doing. caleb and i had a really unique friendship. we grew up together which meant we didn't have to explain all the messed up stuff going on behind the scenes. we had lived it together. and because of that i didn't feel like i needed any other friends, and when i found friends, i didn't really feel like explaining my backstory. It was so long, and honestly, it was extremely painful and I didn’t feel like telling people personal stuff like that. so i ended up just not putting myself out there at all.
when i moved here to Tennessee i think God knew that there were some really freaking amazing people out there and i was gonna miss it if i had my "security blanket" (aka Caleb) so he took that away. was it hard? heck ya. did it hurt? heck ya. but in the end, it was so so very good for me.
- right now -
about a month ago i was talking to a dear friend of mine about how sometimes God takes people out of your life for a season, but when the time is right they'll come back. and well, here we are.
all of a sudden Caleb showed back up. he asked for forgiveness and wanted to start over. was is hard? heck ya. letting him in again and letting go of all the hurt was awful. When we started talking again, all of the pain and hurt I had pushed away came right back to the surface. but I've never been happier. having my best friend back has been insane and i couldn't ask for anything better. Is it gonna be a journey? Yes. We’re not at the same place we were before. And to be honest, that will probably take a bit. We are gonna have to rebuild a lot of trust and some other stuff but it will all be worth it.
you see, God always has your best plan at heart. he knows what (and who) you need and when you need them. all you have to do is trust him. He knew that I needed friends where I was, not 12 hours away. and he knew that having Caleb in my life would keep me from them. so he took him away. And a yearish later, after making some of the most amazing friends in the entire world, he brought Caleb back. and taught me how to love when it’s hard, and forgive when it’s even harder.
- the back story -
if you've been following me on Instagram for a bit you probably know about my childhood best friend Caleb. i kinda talked about him all the time and i even posted a blog post about our long distance friendship a few years back. but, if you're new around here you're probably sitting here confused as heck, because for the past year or so, we haven't talked at all.
- more back story -
Caleb and i met the first day of sixth grade, and from day one we were practically inseparable. But, being friends in 6th grade meant that we went through a bunch of petty middle school "drama" over the years. and there were plenty of times (especially when we were 13/14) that i thought we were "over". during these times, my mom would always say that if anything were to happen between us we would find our way back to each other because we were supposed to be friends, and to be honest, i always laughed cause i didn't think we'd ever not be friends.
Caleb and I practically grew up together and helped each other through a lot of really hard stuff. i honestly couldn't imagine my life without him. BUT halfway through our sophomore year of high school (about 4ish years later) and shortly after my 2nd move (from Texas to Tennessee) some stuff went down and our friendship ended very abruptly. it was absolutely awful. it took me at least a year to fully come to terms with the whole situation. and forgiving him was one of the hardest things I've ever done. especially when he didn't ask for it. i held onto so much pain and anger for the longest time and it didn’t just hurt me, but it hurt the relationships I had with the people around me as well. it wasn’t until after my mom talked to me and told me that I needed to “forgive and forget” that something changed. You see, sometimes you have to forgive even when they don't ask. and sometimes, its more for you then for them. when I forgave Caleb, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt ok with the situation and I moved on. I fully expected to never talk to Caleb again and weirdly enough, I was totally ok with that.
- looking back -
looking back, God really knew what he was doing. caleb and i had a really unique friendship. we grew up together which meant we didn't have to explain all the messed up stuff going on behind the scenes. we had lived it together. and because of that i didn't feel like i needed any other friends, and when i found friends, i didn't really feel like explaining my backstory. It was so long, and honestly, it was extremely painful and I didn’t feel like telling people personal stuff like that. so i ended up just not putting myself out there at all.
when i moved here to Tennessee i think God knew that there were some really freaking amazing people out there and i was gonna miss it if i had my "security blanket" (aka Caleb) so he took that away. was it hard? heck ya. did it hurt? heck ya. but in the end, it was so so very good for me.
- right now -
about a month ago i was talking to a dear friend of mine about how sometimes God takes people out of your life for a season, but when the time is right they'll come back. and well, here we are.
all of a sudden Caleb showed back up. he asked for forgiveness and wanted to start over. was is hard? heck ya. letting him in again and letting go of all the hurt was awful. When we started talking again, all of the pain and hurt I had pushed away came right back to the surface. but I've never been happier. having my best friend back has been insane and i couldn't ask for anything better. Is it gonna be a journey? Yes. We’re not at the same place we were before. And to be honest, that will probably take a bit. We are gonna have to rebuild a lot of trust and some other stuff but it will all be worth it.
you see, God always has your best plan at heart. he knows what (and who) you need and when you need them. all you have to do is trust him. He knew that I needed friends where I was, not 12 hours away. and he knew that having Caleb in my life would keep me from them. so he took him away. And a yearish later, after making some of the most amazing friends in the entire world, he brought Caleb back. and taught me how to love when it’s hard, and forgive when it’s even harder.
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